she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
