I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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