Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
God, I missed his penis.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
