Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
