I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
