i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
