I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
