haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
