I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize