Me too!
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
