omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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