So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
