I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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