So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i already hear my dad disowning me
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
