You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
