last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
