Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
