My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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