3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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