Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
