i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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