Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
its liver damage thursday
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
