It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
