yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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