so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
