I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
