ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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