Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
