I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
