PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
