As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
