he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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