Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
