You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
