is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
