you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
