my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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