I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
is wine microwaveable?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
