talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
