I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
