he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
