She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
