Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
