nut hugger
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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