Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we made out on top of his cat.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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