Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
