I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
pray to the hookup gods
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
