The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
