Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
