Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
