I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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