You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
