but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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