I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
