If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
