Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
