You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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