last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
