She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
