Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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